The new Drake album played softly in the background as I changed and got ready for a night out.
“Tonight… is my night,” I said to myself, as I decided which pair of black, ripped jeans to wear and whether to go soft with my brows or do my best attempt at Frida Kahlo-ing it..
As I slid off my day underwear in favor of my going out underwear (American Eagle to True Religion, respectively) I looked down and realized that tonight would actually not be my night. To say the situation was hairy would have been an understatement. If I could snag a guy who’d pay for my Uber home in the morning, I didn’t want him to get lost in the forest I was growing down South.
Which is why, dear readers, I decided it was time to tame the bush.
Whether you’re recently single and hoping to keep things/ready or just wanting to feel a little extra “clean” and groomed, waxing can be a good alternative, one that isn’t often explored for men.
Enter Wax Club, an unlimited waxing club in NYC. The entire business is a kind of Dry Bar for waxing. You sign up for a membership and go in as many times as your pubes need help. Their hope is to help men leave the bush behind and do it in a way that’s safe, clean, painless, and well, glam. Their new Manzilian service launches in April, using hard wax (no strips) that’s natural and fragrance-free, without sales gimmicks (they don’t sell products or have sales quotas), and a unique program that allows members unlimited waxes every month for a monthly fee of $110, though that fact is not listed online.
Wax Club founders Marcy Kornblum and Julia Davidov treated me to my very first ball wax experience when I needed it most, literally and figuratively. Here are 30 thoughts I had before, during, and after my first Manzilian.
6:20 p.m. Ok, my wax is at 7:00 and I’ve spent my morning hungover… I need a shower. How do you shower for a ball wax? Oh, God. I’m going to scrub.
6:30 p.m. Pain is beauty.
6:30 p.m. My nudes are going to be fire.
6:45 p.m. What if it hurts? What if I cry? What if I have to leave halfway through and then everyone finds out I’m a wimp with a bush!?
6:46 p.m. Me calling my friends and explaining why I need to get rid of this damn bush:
6:50 p.m. I’ve arrived and this place is nice as hell. I feel like I’m in Kris Jenner’s foyer.
6:51 p.m. Marcy and Julia are extremely nice. I’ll be fine.
6:52 p.m. OK they brought Prosecco, I’ll definitely be fine. What hangover?
6:55 p.m. I love Prosecco.
6:56 p.m. The time has come.
7:00 p.m. Do I get naked? How does this work? Deep breaths.
7:01 p.m. I am naked from the waist down and I’m just going to have to accept it. Praying furiously as I stand before a woman I barely know without a towel or anything to hide the whole shebang.
7:02 p.m. My waxer and I are doing deep breaths together as she explains how this ball wax will work and what we’ll be doing and she is truly a comforting blessing.
7:03 p.m. There is hot wax on my crotch and I am alive. It’s thick and sticky, but actually relaxing and warm? Also, like any coincidence that it’s millennial pink?
But the balls. Oh God. “Can you hold it?” she asks…. Looks like this is a team effort.
7:04 p.m. The wax is coming off in 3… 2… 1… Wait. That was fine. What? This was so easy. I didn’t scream or cry. It didn’t hurt as much as it just felt weird. Like a quick shock and then nothing. I can do this!
7:07 p.m. “Isn’t this music relaxing?” she asks. “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait is playing and I’ll admit I’m actually very relaxed.
7:08 p.m. For the most part, this is pretty easy… but the balls. Oh God. “Can you hold it?” she asks…. Looks like this is a team effort.
7:10 p.m. This is all well and good but like when will we get to the balls? I’m scared.
7:12 p.m. Seriously, though. I can’t believe how easy and painless this is. I should have gotten my balls waxed a long time ago.
The balls are easy? What? This was so easy.
7:15 p.m. When the waxer tells me I won’t get in-growns, I am officially all in. We’re making conversation and this genuinely isn’t a big deal.
7:20 p.m. The balls are easy? What? This was so easy. Thank God she’s also using smaller and gentler pieces of wax but I could get used to this.
7:25 p.m. Seeing myself with no hair down there is a strange thing. In the end, I’m joyful. I could conquer the world.
7:30 p.m. WELL, hello taint. “This tends to be the worst, but you’re not that hairy,” she says and I am totally feeling myself. #NATURAL
7:36 p.m. Remember: nudes. will. be. fire.
7:40 p.m. I look like I’m at the gyno?
7:41 p.m. OH, that’s why… the butt. I am basically squatting on my back and…. It’s over? Every part of my butt is hairless and it didn’t hurt at all.
7:42 p.m. This woman now knows me better than anyone on Earth… or at least anyone who has had the lights on.
7:44 p.m. Clean up begins and TBH, this was so much easier than I thought it would be and I am so dramatic for thinking I would cry/scream/humiliate myself.
7:50 p.m. #Blessed not to have sensitive skin and now all I have to do is avoid hot water when I shower tonight… But otherwise, all systems are go.
7:55 p.m. Looks like I’m going out tonight. First ball wax, done! It’s officially my night and someone may even get lucky to see how mesmerizing it looks – down under.